You get what you ask for (new age mantra). Ask and you shall receive (biblical saying). Ask Not, Want Not (Harvard Crimson article title, 2002). It's all about the question...don't ask, don't get! And we often don't ask the right questions at the right time, especially when they could do us the most good -- when we're attempting to influence others to adopt an idea or proposal of ours. 

Some of reasons why are: 

• Fear of appearing unprepared, not knowledgeable enough, out of the loop. 
• Ego. We believe we already know all we need to know in a particular situation. 
• Need to be Right. We think that others should be convinced by our well-thought-out logical arguments, so questions about what they consider important are unnecessary. 
• Time. Questions take too long.
• Not Sure. We don't know the right question to ask in the moment.

The skillful use of the question is a powerful way to draw out information, ideas, and concerns that could take away doubt and uncertainty and sway others to our way of thinking. Asking the right question at the right moment taps into others' resourcefulness, which allows them to find a solution – often the one we're proposing – that they can live with.

Four types of questions that will beef up your influence skills are:

1.  Discovery Questions. These discovery questions focus on the past and the present and surface wants, needs, and concerns about a problem you hope to fix for others. Armed with the answers, you can then match whatever you're proposing to the issues uncovered in the discussion. Examples:  “What happened when you used the product?”  “What did you like and not like about the results that you got?” “What are the problems that you're having with your current situation?”

2.  Exploratory Questions also discover, but they are more focused on the future and the “what if.” Use them after the discovery questions to help broaden perspectives, highlight the potential outcomes of taking certain actions, and advance a range of possibilities. Examples: “If we were to try this out with your group, what results would you hope we'd achieve?”  “If you didn't do anything right now, what problems might continue to surface on your team?”  “If you were to switch to this new process, what would be the upside to doing it? What would be the downside?” By talking this through, the other party might convince themselves of the benefits without you needing to try to persuade them to think your way.

3.  Action Questions transition the conversation from ideas and possibilities to considering and deciding practical action. Example:  “What would you like my team to do to help you make this happen?”  

4.  Clarification Questions or Statements. These can be questions or statements that show you fully understand what's being said. They often follow other questions. Examples: Used after a discovery question: “Sounds like this has been a real problem for your team.” Used after an explloratory question:  “If you were to go with this proposal, these are the likely benefits you'd experience.” Used after an action question:  “Seems as though you'd like us to get things started sooner than later, is that right?”

We're in the habit of asking one or two exploratory questions, then jumping right to action, either by asking the person what they're going to do, or by giving a suggestion of what they should do.

A more effective structure starts with exploratory questions, moves to strategic questions, then on to action questions, with clarification questions and statements supporting the process throughout.